then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
