eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
