forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
