Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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