You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
