This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she told me i tasted like america
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dicks are not precious.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
