so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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