you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
