everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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