would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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