Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
