He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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