trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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