i don't like sucking hair
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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