My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My ass is underappreciated
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize