3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
