My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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