so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
