how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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