She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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