so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
