wrigley field is MILF paradise
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize
