Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Randomize
