you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
