had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
