Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
