Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
