Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
