sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
