You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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