i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
