I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
