Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
