I think I died a long time ago.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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