my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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