They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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