If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it's great music for shaving your balls
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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