And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
