Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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