it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
