dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
