Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
