Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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