Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
