I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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