I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
