you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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