we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
