Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
