If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
