if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
