I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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