so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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