i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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