I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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