this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
