so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
