I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
