I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
