hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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