I wannas sexs uuuuu
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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