Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
