I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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