well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize