I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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