This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
