i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
